Wednesday, September 21, 2011

3...2...1....Activate Body Potential! Part 5

I gotta say again, I am so lucky to have found my trainer Ben. And thank god he doesnt charge extra for therapy. Working out and getting in shape is a lot harder than people think. And no I dont just mean the actual workouts, or even finding the time (which seems to be a thing I struggle with in general). But there are alot of emotional issues that I know I have that make it tough for me to be as successful as I want to be. For one, I put tremendous pressure on myself to do things as quick as possible. And everyone knows that losing weight superfast isnt the way to do it. And thankfully Ben is there to remind me of that. But then I get mad at myself when I eat something I know I shouldnt or when I miss a workout or when my numbers havent dropped as much as I want. In past situations I have just quit. I tell myself its not worth it and that its better to just focus on something I have more control over. But its different this time. Ben takes the time to listen to me and what I am struggling with, and he adjusts the program as needed. Im not saying he makes it less work or too easy. Like the other day when I was doing pull downs and was on #8 and thought I was going to die, he sure as hell made sure I made it to #12...and then #13 just to prove a point. And you know what? I was glad. I was proud I made it through. He always says "I'm not going to ask you to do anything i'm not absolutely sure you can do." And while sometimes I hate it, and desperately try to even hate him for making me do it (although I cant because he's too damn nice!), I always make it through. So what is slowing me down? Food. DAMNIT! You cursed beast! You cruel lover! You backstabbing friend! Its so unfair that something I love so much can make me feel so bad. Since I started my weight loss/get fit program, I have adjusted my food plan several times. The first time i committed to something I didnt want to admit to myself would never work for me. The next time, still being way to ambitious, I failed again. Now, I am trying to take things one day at a time. The trouble is, when I think about my food in advance, it makes me just think about food all day! So I try not to think about it and then I either dont eat or I eat wrong. This was the topic of me and Ben's conversation Monday. I feel like such a failure that I cant nail down this food problem. But thankfully Ben is there to remind me that I am not failing anything. And that I have made a lot of progress from where I first started. I told him "i just want to eat big bowls of cereal! But I know its not a good choice! I want it even more than I want a cheeseburger." To which Ben said basically to give in to the cereal craving instead of the cheeseburger. Seems so simple right? So now my homework for this week is to drink my muscle milk shake every morning, without fail. And yes, I know that is something I can do. And to make sure I am eating lunch and dinner. 
Here is the big struggle though. I need to try to find more time in my schedule for me personally. To either cook for myself, or to workout at home, or to even go food shopping. And I think we all know thats gonna be a tough one for me. I have already left one project I had picked up, but still no time has opened up. And I love working. I do. I just need to find a balance. And honestly if it werent for Bens encouragement, and for the fact that I am seeing results, I would be sunk.
So I keep trying. I will break this cycle of food addiction at some point. I just have to believe in myself....as much as Ben believes in me. :)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Finding Time......

First I would like to start off with a letter to myself......

Dear Me,
I suck at blogging. I am not making the time I should, or want to. I need to stop letting things get in the way of it and just freaking do it.
But I still love you...I mean me.
Love,
Me

Okay, so yeah I have been far from reliable with my blogs so far. And it makes me so mad at myself. But as I warned in my first post, I wasnt good at writing in my diary when I was younger either. I hear that the new iPad actually lets you just talk and it types for you. I need that. Then I can really multi-task. Plus I find that my best ideas come to me when I am talking to myself.
Why do I always let things get in the way? How is it that even in my 30's I cant determine what needs to be a priority? How do I still suck so bad at time management? Well one thing is I need a desk. Yes, I know that sounds lame and materialistic, but its true. As a writer I need a zone that allows me to feel right for writing. And right now since my bulb is blown in my living room tv (and I cant possibly do anything without tv....and I mean anything), I am forced to work in my bedroom. And thanks to my ginormous bed in my small bedroom the only furniture in there is the bed and the tv. And trying to write in bed isnt as psexy as it sounds. It kind of sucks actually. Its not "where the magic happens" when it comes to writing, thats for sure. So I need a desk. Somewhere that when I sit I think "this is where I write." I found one on walmart.com that I like so when I have some moolah I will probably get it, if I dont spend that money on drinks for me and my friends first. Sadly for my bank account, generosity seems to flow freely from me no matter where I am sitting! But I cant complain, I have awesome friends and I love making sure everyone is having fun. Its worth it.
So, as I am writing this (in the internet cafe of my apartment building, in case you wondered) I am thinking, what the hell am I writing about again? Oh yeah, finding time.
My September column in Bmag (which hopefully you read) was about me not finding time to workout. I am doing pretty good with that I must say. And I am seeing results, which is amazing because I still eat like crap more days a week than I should. Thats the magic of my trainer though! Seriously if I followed what he said 100% of the time, I would be in kickass shape in no time. But discipline with myself is something I am still working on. You know, eating right, working out, not making out with losers, the usual stuff people are trying to change about their lives.

But as someone who considers herself somewhat ambitious, when do I think that time is actually going to arrive? Time for yourself doesnt just happen. I have realized I need to make it happen. Plan time for me like I would any other appointment. I cant tell you how great i feel when I start my day with my trainer Ben. I feel like "yes! I did at least ONE good thing for me today! Something that will pay off!" Is it easier to sleep in? Sure, but then I will still be shaped like a snowman! And I dont recall Mrs. Frosty doing any covers of Maxim.
I want to be a well-rounded person. (Not in the snowman way, in the work vs play way) But no one can do that FOR me. I have to do it myself. And if I dont start now, I will end up one of those women that looks back on her youth and says "i wish I'd taken better care of myself."
So, its September 6. One month from now I am going to revisit this topic and see what I have changed. If you have the same kind of problem of not making time for yourself, I encourage you to do the same. Take one month at a time. What can we change in the next 30 days? Keep me posted on your plans and I will cheer you on.
We can't buy back time from the past, but we can stop planning on wasting the present and future.